He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
