We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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