First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I forget how to act sober
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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