If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
