I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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