did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize