Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
