You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
