; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
