Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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