You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
