i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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