chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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