this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
