I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
