I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
