Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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