I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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