no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
