I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
