Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
