My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
