I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
