sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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