Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
