Me. At least after what I've been through.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
