Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
