just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am available for nakedness
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
