Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
