The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
