Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
