Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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