found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
