How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
sex in a hospital.. check
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
