there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
