Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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