i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
