I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He better not be in your backpack
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
