Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That accounts for only three of the penises
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
