I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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