I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
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she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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