I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
