I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
