Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
