Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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