My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize