His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
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Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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