whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
