Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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