I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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