everyone is single if you try hard enough
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
