I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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