sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
