The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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