She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
