Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
