All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
