This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
40s are totally the cure
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
