It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she smelled like a LAN party
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my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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