Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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