yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
